Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Birthday Blues Be Gone!

What is it about birthdays that cause us to frown, scoff, and want to hide under our covers? It wasn't always like this. Remember when birthdays represented growth, fun, and surprise? Now the only growth I experience is around my mid section. Or the surprise of an old poopy diaper hidden under the couch.

But seriously, I remember when turning 13 was such an accomplishment. Then my sweet 16 was all I could think about. Oh and turning 18 meant I was officially an "adult". What was the last exciting birthday? 21? Oh boy, now I was REALLY legal and could order a drink if I wanted. (which to this day I'm not really into.)

After those birthday milestones, birthdays for me didn't really feel any different than any other day and it wasn't until this year - today turning 29 - that I actually wanted to skip it all together! Upon analyzing, I realized that yes part of it is feeling like I'm old (only one more year til the big 3-0!) but the bigger part is unrealized dreams and aspirations.

We all create plans for ourselves, about where we want to be at age such-and-such, and when you aren't quite in the place you dreamed of, it does throw you for a loop. It's almost as if you wish you could have a "do-over" button and fix certain things that you're unsatisfied with. Your favorite phrase becomes "What if I had..." and you lose sight of all that has gone right.

But you'll all be happy to know that after much prayer this morning, I came to realize that it's not about my will but God's will in my life. And His will is so much sweeter than what I could ever conjure up. I just need to be patient (as hard as that may be) God reminded me that I originally had 3 goals to accomplish by age 30 - get married, have a baby, and be a licensed Mental Health Counselor. Hey, 2 outta 3 ain't bad and I still have one more year to get my license so praise God. What happened was, along the way, I added tons of sub-goals to my original 3 (like losing 40 lbs, going to Europe, living in a mini-mansion, meeting Michael Jackson *RIP*) that clouded my appreciation for all that God has given me. I have a loving God, a loving family, big monster (hubby) and little monster (baby), a job, caring friends (online and off)...

It's crazy but as I'm sitting on this crowded train, a homeless man just said to everyone that he just got out of prison, he's HIV positive, he's hungry, needs a little money, and he doesn't want to go back to jail. I immediately started tearing up. I couldn't say no to that. And how timely was it to strengthen my resolve even more that I should be thanking God for another healthy, happy, and blessed year on this planet.

Philippians 4:12 says, "I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need." In other words, Paul was saying that he learned through experience the importance of being content w/ your situation - whether in abundance or when struggling. We may not be happy every waking moment but we can still be joy-filled through Christ.

Oh and by the way, the hubby made this birthday extra special by getting me a kitten! I named her Pinky!

Happy Birthday to me!!

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