Somewhere along "The Road of Motherhood"
I lost my identity.
I all of a sudden had to become everthing for everybody,
no longer able to just be me.
I now wear many hats, you see.
Dauughter, Sister, Friend, and now Mother.
And that last hat is harder than the others.
Of course I'm overjoyed for a family like mine.
A husband, a baby, what more could I need?
But alas a sadness creeps in at times.
A yearning for some autonomy.
Motherhood isn't what I thought it would be.
To some it doesn't come naturally.
And sometimes there's guilt when you've had enough,
when you want to walk away when things aren't easy.
The expectations are what is killing me.
To work, be a wife, and a nurturing mommy.
I'm torn between desire and capability.
And come down hard on myself when I can't juggle all three.
But "If I don't do it, it won't get done."
That's my mentality.
So onward and upward, with a smile on my face.
Most times it's real but then there are those other times.
Times of sadness I'd like to erase.
And hope that sometime soon I'll find my place.
To just be me.
Just a Note - My feelings don't just stem from motherhood per se, it's all of the responsibilities that come with being an adult/wife/mother. I love my son more than anything. This is just a fragment of all of the emotions I feel about my experience.