Sometimes I worry that I'm labeling my little one way too soon. He's only 16 months old and my husband and I, as well as a few family and friends have already labeled him as The Strong-Willed Child. Of course there is some tiny truth to that assumption. He does need to be told numerous times NO (as many toddlers do) and sometimes will swat the person who is keeping him from his prize. Yes, afterwards, he'll slowly sneak back to the scene in question and try to repeat the offense when no one's looking. Let's not forget the occasional (well a little bit more than that) temper tantrum where if he can't have that special something, he'll flop on the floor and roll around screaming with arms flailing. But how much of his future personality are we shaping by passing his normal-ish toddler behavior as a hard and fast personality trait?
See, I'm a Family Therapist and study people for a living. And all too often, I see members of families pigeon-holed into a role such as the: Smart One, Trouble Maker, Sensitive One, Bully, Scapegoat.. the list goes on. I've often wondered, how much of the label comes from true character traits or from kids living up to what they've been hearing all of their lives?
When counseling youth displaying delinquent behaviors, almost always they tell me, "I'm the black sheep! I'm the problem!" And likewise from the parents, "They've been like this since birth! Causing us all grief!" Of course I then suggest that the kid hearing this for years may have shaped their behavior - or at least their motivation to make more positive decisions. Needless to say it takes a few sessions before the parents are willing to chew on that tasty little morsel.
So that brings me to my questions to you, dear readers. Do you feel you were labeled as a child? How much of that do you think may have affected your life decisions? How can we as parents choose our words wisely to give our children a fair shot at growing into their own true selves?
Friday, July 15, 2011
Ignore the Label Please!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Just Not the Natural Order of Things
Sometimes I wonder how things would be if I were still a stay at home mom. I stayed at home for the first 8 months of my son's life and towards the latter part of those months, I felt like I had lost my identity. Between nightly wakings, dirty diapers, nursing, cooking, cleaning... I felt like a robot. I believed so deeply that if I only found a job, then I would feel like myself again. Many of us mamas know how tough motherhood is and as much as we love our little ankle biters, they change our lives DRAMATICALLY. And after awhile, all you want is to get back to some level of normalcy. So I prayed and prayed and prayed...
And God answered my prayer. So I started working, and at first I felt revived. This is how its meant to be, I thought. Now I'm me again. Now I'm whole. Except, no - I was actually leaving a part of me at daycare. Not whole at all. And like that, discontentment reared its ugly little head again. All of a sudden I felt like I was missing out on all the wonderful moments in my little guy's life. Working felt like it was sucking the life out of me. Robbing time away from my husband and son. I work evenings (cuz that's all I can find right now) so my husband gets to put lil monster to bed all week. He gets all the goodnight hugs and kisses. The most I get is the 11pm diaper change where I quietly steal kisses as he snores and wiggles his little toes.
And that's where I'm at right now. I prayed so hard for a job, and now that I have what I wanted, I feel just as lost as I did before I began. It just doesn't feel like the natural order of things. But what really does?? If I could have a happy medium, part time work and part time home, would I then be content? Or would I just move on to the next thing that's not "fair" about my life?
So many questions, and not enough answers. I can go around in circles thinking about my situation. But I have to leave it in God's hands. My parting thought is from Scripture, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:33-34). Easier said than done, but I'll always keep trying.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Fit Mama Club - Week 2
How are you all doing! Here's my Fit Mama Club update for Week 1! After my update, I'll share this week's Fit Mama Club challenge. If you wanna join up, leave a comment or tweet me @joonluv630.
Last Week's Weight Loss: 2.4
Total Weight Loss: 2.4
Last Week's High: I took three days off - very much needed!
Last Week's Low: One of the families that I counsel is not doing well and I won't be able to close the case next week as planned... and I didn't work out last week. AT. ALL.
Plan For This Week: I will stick to 26 WW points each day, drink 4 glasses of water per day, work out twice per week, and fulfill the Fit Mama Club Challenge!
THIS WEEK'S FIT MAMA CLUB CHALLENGE
How many of you eat the correct amount of vegetables per day? According to the USDA Food Pyramid, we're supposed to be having 3-5 servings per day. To be honest, I'm lucky if I get 5 servings a week, let alone per day. That's why I felt it was important for this week's challenge to be a Veggie Challenge!
One serving of Vegetables is equal to:
* 1 cup of raw leafy green vegetables
* 1/2 cup other vegetables (cooked or raw) or
* 3/4 cup vegetable juice
And what are the benefits of following these guidelines?
1) Substituting fruits and vegetables for higher-calorie foods can be a great part of a weight loss strategy. They are low in calories, high in volume and high in critically important nutrients. They fill you up, without loading you up with fat and calories. And when your stomach is filled up with high volume, low calorie food, there is less room for other bad stuff.
2) Plant-based foods help to control food cravings and overeating.
3) Compared with people who consume a diet with only small amounts of fruits and vegetables, those who eat more generous amounts as part of a healthful diet are likely to have reduced risk of chronic diseases, including stroke and perhaps other cardiovascular diseases, and certain cancers.
4) Fruits and vegetables are a natural source of energy and give the body many nutrients you need to keep going. They are a great "on-the-go" snack.
5) When your body is getting what it needs, you are going to feel better physically and emotionally. The absolute best vegetables to help speed up weight loss are green vegetables- Collard Greens, Spinach, Swiss Chard, Brussels Sprouts, Broccoli, Cabbage.
CHALLENGE: Eat at least 3 servings of vegetables per day for 7 days.
Who's with me?? All you have to do is share your progress each day on twitter with the hashtag #fitmamaclub, and post every Sunday morning with last week's successes and this week's goals. Comment or tweet for more info!
Water Challenge - Hit and Miss
Overall, the Water Challenge went pretty well! I did have a few set backs though:
1) One evening, the hubs decided to cook dinner and brought out a plate and drink for me.. the drink was fruit punch. And without batting an eyelash, I drank it all down - THEN was shocked and realized, holy moly I'm on a water challenge! Thankfully it was only a 1/2 a cup, and I drank two cups of water right after.
2) My best friends took me out to an Indian Restaurant last night for my belated birthday gift, and I HAD to have the Mango Lassi drink since I haven't been to that Indian restuarant in like 2 years. Uh.. I also had a glass of soda... hey it was a celebration!!
Other than those two incidents, I did pretty well and I think it helped to add to my total week weight loss! But more on that tomrrow when I do my weekly Fit Mama Club post! See you then!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
The Return of the Water Challenge
So who's with me!! It'll be tough in the beginning but you'll lose excess weight, help your digestion, and feel a lot more clear-minded! Water Challenge, here I come!
